Something More
by your21
Summary: The Faith Series. Lilly is struggling with her parents divorce and what the meaning of life is.
1. Chapter 1

**Something More: The Faith Series**

**#1 Hannah Montana (Lilly's Story)**

_This is the first installment of my "faith" fan fiction series. It is called "The Faith Series" because they are Christian-based fan fictions. They are not intended to "convert" anyone or insult those of other faiths. It's just simple, clean fan fiction that deals with the faith, religion, and everyday problems. Enjoy : )_

_For this particular fan fiction, it is set around the episode where Lilly and Miley's parents go out on a date. It will be dealing with the divorce of Lilly's parents and how she handles it. As well as other aspects of her life. However, in this fic, things like Miley's career will be a bit more realistic, as in Miley is rich! I mean, come on, if she's a huge celeb, she'd be rich!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana, the song "Ready. Set. Don't Go", or anything else you might recognize._

**Chapter One**

Like most kids, I blamed myself for my parents divorce. Somehow I always got dragged into their fights. _"Do you think I'm a bad parent?", "Why'd you let Lilly get away with not doing her chores?", "What am I supposed to tell Lilly?", "Why can't you grow up and take care of your daughter!", "You don't know a damn thing about me or my daughter", "Why'd you let her break curfew?",_ and so on. Sometimes my misbehavior would trigger a fight, as you can tell. The fights went from me to the rest of their disagreements. When my mom gave Dad the divorce papers, I felt like I had completely failed in life. I caused them so much pain and suffering, I told myself, that I didn't deserve to exist anymore. There were times when I wanted to kill myself, because I thought 'hey, if I'm not here anymore, they can be happy'. If I wasn't so afraid to die, I probably would have too! Still, I managed to keep a happy-face on and convince other's around me I was doing just fine with my parents divorce.

One day, Miley's dad came up to me and said, "I know it must be hard watching your parents go through this. You can talk to me anytime you want, bud." I felt my stomach cringe and a form of guilt course through my body. He only called Miley bud, and for him to call me that, was basically saying "I know your dad isn't being there for you, so if you need a father figure, come talk to me". There was a part of me that considering crying and telling him how much I hate myself, but I didn't. Instead, I smiled and said thanks, but I'm fine. I'm a real convincing liar. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Just yesterday, though, I found out that maybe this wasn't all my fault. After her date with Miley's dad, she informed me of a missing puzzle piece. My dad was cheating on her, with a girl only twenty-three years old. It's like having a daughter and wife in one, I bet. No wonder why he doesn't call me anymore. He promised that we'll spend the summer together, but I'm slowly starting to realize…that's probably not true, and even it is… I don't know if I want to.

As I look in the mirror, I begin to wonder. What is this? Who am I? And why am I here? I wonder why was I born to this family. Why aren't I Miley Stewart? Or some rich girl living in a Hollywood mansion? Why aren't I an orphan? Why am I even alive? Is it destiny, science, a mistake, or something more? I ignore these questions, for the time being, and grab my jacket out of my closet and walk away from the mirror. I'm going over to Miley's for dinner. My mom has a date and I hate being home alone.

"I'm at the startin' line of the rest of life.

As ready as I've ever been. Got the hunger and the stars in my eyes

The prize mine to win…" Miley sings with her dad, while he plays the guitar.

I feel this huge ball of envy roll up inside of me, like a tumble weed collecting all my emotions. As soon as Miley notices me, she says hi, and Robby puts the guitar down. Robby heads into the kitchen to cook.

We watch Pirate's of The Carribean: At World's End together, and when it's over, I follow Miley to her room. She has a queen-sized bed with pink and green bedspread. I grab my pajama's out of my backpack and go into her bathroom to get dressed. Again, I look into the mirror and have that same thought. Why am I here? Except this time, I decide to tell someone. Miley.

When I come back, I see Miley in her pajama's getting under the blankets. I plop into bed beside her and cover myself up. Once we're both comfortable, I ask Miley, "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

I feel a little foolish and stupid for asking that. I'm also nervous. But Miley responds, "Sometimes," she says, "But most of the time, I know."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

This time Miley doesn't respond right away. She has a weird look on her face, like she's not comfortable explaining it. I kind of wonder if she was lying when she said she knew, but her mouth starts to open and words come out. "Well, I believe God has plans for us all, and its up to us if we follow them; Follow Him. Sometimes I wonder, but.." she pauses, "Then I remember, that God created me. There's more to life than being Hannah Montana and living a rich and famous lifestyle."

I wasn't expecting that. I knew Miley was Christian, but I didn't realize what it meant to her. In fact, I hardly know anything about Christianity. Accept that they think Jesus loves me. I don't know why. Jesus and I never met as far as I'm concerned, and how can a dead guy care about me?

I've never put much thought into religion. I know my mom says things like "god bless you" or "I'll pray for you", but I don't know what it means. I guess there's a lot of things I don't know. And even though I feel afraid and ashamed and weird; I want to know. It's just starting to hit me, that I'm wrapped up in a world of skateboarding, Hannah Montana gigs, school, and coping with my parents divorce… I never wondered if there was something more.


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow. First I'd like to say thanks so much for the reviews. I really didn't think anyone was going to like this because it is Christian-based. In fact, I was expecting a bunch of flames, so I was really surprised to see you guys like it. Second, I'm very sorry for not updating! Things have been crazy, lazy, and busy lately. _

_Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Sorry for the wait. _

**Chapter Two**

I'm sitting in front of the computer researching Shakespeare. Pretty boring, I know, but it needs to be done. I have an essay to write for English class. I'd ask Miley to help me study, but she's too busy being Hannah Montana.

You know, people would probably think its cool to have a best friends who's famous, but it's kind of hard. There's a lot of things we miss out on, because she's got this whole other life she needs to live. She's very good at balancing her life, but it seems like (lately, at least) the times I need her the most, she's too busy. For example, last night my mom totally freaked on me for no reason. She yelled at me for being irresponsible and not watering the plants and said that I'm worthless. That's totally not like my mom and I wanted to call Miley about it. But yet again, she was busy being Hannah.

I've been locked up in my room for three hours, working on this essay. My moms out on a date. Even though my mom and I are really close, I can see and feel her slipping away. She's getting angry, and sad, and disconnected. That's how its been for the past three days. I feel like my moms gone away and someone else has taken over her body.

I really wish I knew what was going on with my mom. And I also really wish I had someone who was there for me 24/7. I know that sounds kind of selfish, but sometimes, I feel like I'm about to snap or fall apart and nobody is there to help me. And even when someone is there, I don't know how to talk to them. How do you tell someone you're not what you appear? You're more than just a bubbly, somewhat ditzy blonde, who likes skating. Would they even believe I'm like every other human; I have my flaws, worries, and sadness?

I spend the next few hours finished up my essay. I hear my mom come in as I'm about to save the file. "Lilly," she says sing-song, "I'm home!". I ignore her for the time being and save my essay.

"Lilly, come down here!" She shouts.

I force myself away from the computer and comfort of my room and go outside of my room. I follow the stairs down; my thoughts a confusing blend of Rome and Juliet, love, death, my own loneliness, and my mother's voice, that I almost trip while walking down. Surprisingly, I make it down the stairs safely. I see my mother with a big smile on her face and McDonald's paperback.

I could smell the french fries and in the distance, toward the kitchen, I could smell a McFlurry. I smile happily and hungrily at my mother and snatch the bag away from her. I find a Big Mac and french fries, and begin eating like a starving animal. "Wheresh my McFurry?" I ask with my mouth full.

"Honey, you have got to learn to act like a girl! How do you ever expect to get a boyfriend?" my mom says,. I knew she was joking, but her words really hurt. Miley tells me the same thing all the time. Very few boys have truly showed an interest in me the way I am, so I guess its the truth.

"I know, _Mom._"

I follow her into the kitchen and am happy to see and smell the blended ice cream with Oreos. I dip my french fries in the sweet, thick mix. Call me crazy, but shakes, ice cream, and anything else similar taste awesome with French fries.

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you're pregnant." My mother looked at me and rolled her eyes. "When did you start doing that?"

"Since forever," I say kind of annoyed.

"Huh." She walks away, leaving me to my sweet food.

I don't realize that she didn't ask how my day was, or what happened at school, or any other parent questions, until I'm getting ready for bed. I know I hate those nosy questions, but it's kind of nice to know my mom cares. Why is she so off? Again, I want to tell Miley about this, but she's too busy and I don't know how. So, instead I grab my diary. I write a poem:

I'm two people meshed into one

And like everyone else, I wear a mask

It's made of pink ribbons; and starting to come undone

There's two big weights strapped to my heart

One I call Guilt. The other Loneliness

I can really feel my world falling apart

I lay my diary down, and close my eyes. I dream of being Lola; I have a big happy family and am best friends with Hannah Montana. Everything is simple. I am loved and happy.

When I wake up, I realize those images were but a dream. I can smell pancakes and eggs and bacon. I throw my blankets off me and run downstairs to the kitchen.

"You're in a good mood," My mom says as she notices me.

I want to ask her if she's blind, but instead I sit at the table awaiting my breakfast. I have school today, so I figure I need it to get my brain working. Besides, I love food!

"Here you go." My mom places two big fluffy pancakes onto the orange plate before me.

"Thanks," I smile.

As I eat, I notice my mom is wearing her cross necklace. I suddenly remembered the very important conversation I had with Miley. "Mom, what religion are we?"

"Uh," she seemed a bit confused by this simple question, "Christian? Why?"

I poke at my pancakes with a fork, "I was just wondering."

Suddenly, my mom gets a very sad expression on her face. "I used to go to church with your dad," she says in a quiet voice. "You were baptized there..." and she began to ramble more to herself. As she walked away with her bacon and orange juice I heard her say something, but I'm not sure what exactly.

I feel very empty and bothered after that, so I try to block the whole thing out. I get dressed and ready for school and print out my essay.

I meet Miley on my way into English class. She has bags under her eyes, but the rest of her is flawless. She has her hair straightened today, and it looks pretty nice! She's wearing her Miley necklace and an expensive pair of Hannah's shoes.

"Sup?" I say, as I sit in the desk next to her.

"Not much. I'm totally tired." she then told me all about last nights gig. I started zoning out, and I didn't hear the last few sentences. It doesn't matter though, because here comes the teacher.

"Good morning!" he says, with a big smile on his face. And as soon as he begins to talk about today's lesson, I drown into my daydreams.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks so much for the reviews. By the way, I'm looking for a beta reader for this fiction as well as my others. If you'd like to beta-read this for me, send me a message/email/review. I need someone who has time to actually do this: I don't want to wait a month for a chapter of my story to be beta read. _

**Chapter Three**

'How are you', please ask all the time. I think I hear that question and 'what's up?' about a thousand times a day. The answer is usually 'fine' and 'nothing much'. It's how everybody answers, even when it's a lie. If I were to be honest if someone asked me how I am, they would get uncomfortable and say 'I'm sorry' and quickly change the subject. I know. I've done it myself. Why is it that we can't be understanding and there for each other?

I think about Hannah Montana's song "True Friends", and I wonder if that really applies to the friendship I have with Miley. She said it was inspired by our friendship, but I wonder. _You know the secrets I could never tell: _those are part of the lyrics. What secrets of Miley's do I know?

Hmm, well. She says she loves Jake and believes they'll have a stable, happy relationship one-day. She told me what it was like kissing him for the first time. I don't know if that counts so much as a secret. She thinks her brother is irresponsible and stupid and is afraid he might be a man-whore. She still thinks its gross that her dad dated that real estate lady woman. A few simple teenage rants... That's all the secrets I know. Oh, and of course the secret that she's Hannah Montana.

Part of me, even though I know it's not true, feels like Miley isn't a true friend. Why can't she see through this mask I'm wearing? Why can't she see the sadness in my eyes? Why don't I feel comfortable telling her my secrets? Why am I so afraid?

Right now, I push all of these thoughts away as I get ready for school. I look in the mirror and see that my eyes are red and puffy from crying last night. I don't know why I was so sad. I just felt so empty, lonely; tired...like I was my only friend. I was the only person who knew or cared about me. I want that feeling to go away!

I brush my blond hair and decide to try to curl my hair. I mean, I really did look good when Miley gave me that makeover. Maybe I could try it again. I can still wear my jeans and a sporty-looking shirt. I plug in my mom's curling iron and let it heat up. While it does, I start brushing my teeth and washing my face. I can see a zit coming on. Or two. Or... I notice some more small bumps on my forehead. Great! I'm going to turn into a pizza! Or that nerdy kid at school has a thousand zits on his face... I slam my hand down in frustration and pull it back in pain, "OW. OW. OW. OW. OW!"

I pull my hand up to my face and examine it. Oh it hurts so bad! I slammed it onto the curling iron. That sucker sure heats up fast! "Gosh, Lilly," I say to my reflection, "why do you have to be such a klutz? You know one of these days; you're going to be one the cover of the newspaper. 'Girl dies in freakish accident. Similar to those on _Final Destination'_"

I finish talking to myself, and take the curling iron to my hair. After ten failed attempts to curl some hair, I unplug it and grab a hat. My mom never really taught me how to be girly. I guess I spent a lot of time with my dad and kind of became a tomboy? I don't know. I know Miley said my hair has a hard time holding a curl, but she managed to do it.

At school, I see Miley and Oliver talking. I walk up to them, "Hey guys!"

"Hey, what's up?" Miley asks, grabbing a few books from her locker.

"Nothing much." I say, just like usual.

"Oh, well, did you hear there's a new kid at school?"

"Ooooh noooo! Not another bully!" I exclaim, as I open up my own locker next to Miley's.

"I don't think so. She seems pretty weird though."

"I don't think she's weird. I think she a hottie!" Oliver says.

Miley and I raise our eyebrows at him, and he shrugs and gives us an innocent look like 'what's your deal?'.

As I walk home from school, I see the new girl. She looks like she's a year or two older than I am. As I look her over, I realize why Oliver thinks she's so hot. Her boobs are like totally huge. I look down at my own, and even though they are terribly great in size, I realize how much I hide them. I never wear clothes that form to my figure.

I soon realize that this new girl and I are headed in the same direction. As I catch up with her I ask, "do you live around here?"

She gives me a questionable look and then nods, "Yeah. Over that way," she points. My house is in that direction too, so I tell her.

"Wait, do you live in a yellow with green door?" I ask.

"Yeah. I just moved in. Why, do you know the place?"

"Uh, yeah. It's next door to my house."

"Oh, well." She smiles, "my name is Samantha. I guess I'm you're neighbor."

"Nice to meet you," I laugh, "My name is Lilly!"

Samantha and I now walk at the same pace together. She tells me that she used to live in Northern California and just moved to Malibu a few weeks ago. She says she doesn't have any other siblings and but her mom and dad are together. She's seventeen and a year behind in school. "I could never grasp anything having to do with math." She told me.

"What kind of music do you like?" I ask.

"Oh, uhm, all kinds. My favorite bands and artists are," she gets a funny look in her bright blue eyes and says, "Tilly and the Wall, The Killers, The Beatles, Azure Ray, Alexz Johnson, 3 Doors Down, and Goo Goo Dolls."

"Oh, cool!" I say, even though I have no idea who those people are. "Well, it looks like we're home."

I take a look around and wave goodbye and walk up to my own house.

It was nice meeting someone new. Someone different than what I know. I start to imagine Samantha and I becoming friends. She's older and different, but she seems fun and interesting. I call Miley and tell her that I met the new girl and she lives right next to us. "Oh boy! Just wait until Oliver finds out." She laughed.

I don't tell Miley that my moms out on a date again, that the house feels so empty and I'm scared. I don't tell her that I want to spend the night, because I feel like I've been living at the Stewarts house. I don't want to bother them any. I don't tell her that I want to be Samantha's friend. I don't tell her that I'm just as empty as this house.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks for all the reviews guys! I'm really glad you all are enjoying the fiction. This chapter was beta read by TryDefyingGravity and Jesus.Lives (you guys rock! thank you so much!) Anywho, I hope ya'll like this chapter!_

**Chapter Four**

The weekend is finally here and I am beyond happy! I have been going crazy with book reports, essays, biology, and whatnot. I've been drowned in so much homework; I haven't gone to a Hannah gig for a while. In fact, I haven't talked much to Miley lately, or Oliver, or anyone for that matter! Seriously, what am becoming? A recluse? A loner? Oh well, I'm going to do something with Miley and Oliver today.

I go through my closet and find my new, cute bikini. It's black with turquoise lace for the straps and scribbled-looking stars printed on the bikini itself. I also grab a pair of shorts and a long, white tank top. I figure I'll skateboard my way to the beach and meet Miley and Oliver. One of the perks about Malibu is you can go swimming anytime you want, even if the beach is totally diseased.

I get dressed and throw my things into a tote: sunscreen, sun glasses, lip gloss, mints, a sweater, a towel, and such. I take my tote and grab my "new" cell phone (I broke my other one). I dial Miley's number and wait for her to answer. _One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings. Five rings. _"Hey!" I hear Miley's voice say.

"Hello! I'm getting ready to go to the be-"

"Hello?" Miley says.

"Hello! Can you hear me?" I ask, and when she doesn't respond I take a look at my phone. The signal is strong. Maybe it's her phone?

"Hello? Anyone there?" she says again and I get ready to hang up when I hear a laugh. "Just kidding! You've reached my voicemail! I got you though, didn't I? Well, go ahead and leave a message!"

"So not cool, Miley! When did you change your voicemail to _that? _Anyway, I'm headed to the beach for a little fun in the sun," I say to the phone. "Hope I see you there!"

I make my way to the beach, and I notice Samantha (the girl I met yesterday) standing over by Rico's. She has a bikini on and men surrounding her like vultures. They were eyeing her like she was a piece of meat, even Rico was. I quickly recognize the rest of the guys surrounding her: Jackson, one of Jackson's friends, and Oliver. My stomach does a little turn and I roll my eyes.

"Oh!" I hear Samantha shout as she sticks her hand up in the air, "Lilly! Hey!" She has a look of desperation in her eyes and I know she wants me to come rescue her from the gawking men.

I run to Samantha's rescue and shoo off the boys. "Seriously, guys, let a girl breathe!"

"You two know each other?" Oliver asks.

Jackson is back behind Rico's taking peoples orders (apparently, he had been neglecting some customers) and Rico is still staring at Samantha, but from a distance.

"Uh, yeah." I say, "Met her on my way home from school. She's my neighbor."

Oliver's eyes light up, "Really?"

"Yeah, really." Samantha says, a bit annoyed.

I take a seat near Samantha and Oliver sits next to me. He attempts to flirt with Samantha, but he ends up rambling. I let him continue to embarrass himself and entertain Samantha and myself until Jackson is done taking orders and giving people their food.

"Jackson," I say, "where's your sister?"

"She's with her friend, _Hannah._" He says and gives me a little annoyed look.

"Oh, her and Hannah have been hanging out a lot lately, huh?" I ask.

"Yep," he pours two glasses of pink lemonade and puts them in front of Samantha and me. "For the ladies"

"Hey!" Rico says, "That's coming out of your paycheck!"

Jackson just smirks at him and assures Samantha and I that it's okay, and to drink it.

"So, Lilly, what are you doing today?" Samantha asks me.

"Just hanging out here."

"Well, in an hour, I'm going shopping at the mall... if you wanna come..."

"Uh, sure!" I say, smiling.

After some fried-goodness, three glasses of lemonade, and some girl talk about shoes and clothes, Samantha and I head out of the beach and to our homes. "My mom will be driving us," she says, "is that okay?" I nod and tell her it doesn't matter to me.

When we finally arrive at the mall, my phone starts to ring. I pick it up and look at the caller ID. It's Miley. I decide it can wait and start shopping with Samantha. We talk about our interests and then walk into _Hot Topic_; a store I only shop in for Lola's clothes.

"I love this place!" she exclaims and then goes rushing to some screened t-shirts. As she goes through the shirts she brings up Oliver. "He's kind of interesting. How long have you known him?"

"Since forever, I guess. Why?"

"No reason. And Jackson..." she says, "He's a cutie."

I burst out laughing, "If you say so."

"What? You don't think so?"

"Well, I guess I never thought of Jackson that way. I mean, he's Miley's brother!" I say as if that explains everything, forgetting she has no idea who Miley is.

"Is that your friend?" she asks, "Miley?"

"Yeah, she is. She lives near us, actually."

"Oh, cool.. Maybe all of us can have a girl's night sometime." Samantha smiles and pulls out a shirt with an Amy Brown fairy printed on it. "This would look so cute on you!" she holds the shirt up to my body.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm not really..." but before I can protest further, she shuts me up and forces me into a dressing room.

Before I know it, I'm buying the shirt, along with some accessories and a new pair of shoes. It's okay, though. I like them and she was right, even though it's not exactly my style, the shirt looked good on me.

It was fun too. I mean the shopping and everything. It's been awhile since Miley and I did this. And it was different with 'Sam'.

After we've done most of our shopping, we go to the food court and get Chinese food and green tea.

"I had fun today. Thanks for letting me come along."

"No prob. It was nice to have someone to hang out with. I really don't have any friends here..." Sam says a little sadly.

"Don't worry! Our school is really accepting. Except for Amber and Ashley..."

"Oh, those Paris Hilton wannabes?" she laughs.

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to compare them with Paris, but yeah, them."

When I get home and say goodbye to Samantha, I realize that this is the first time in the long time, I've been really happy. Did I perhaps find that missing piece I've been searching for?

I pick up my phone and listen to Miley's message. "Hey Lilly, it looks like I missed you. Jackson says you left for the mall with the 'new hot girl' from school. Well, see you at school next week. I'm sorry I've been so busy with Hannah gigs, but I really got to promote my album. You know how it goes." I hear a loud bang, "Sweet niblets!" Miley's voice shouts, "I gotta go, Lilly. I think Jackson just broke something. Bye!"

I debate calling her back, but she's probably busy catching up on her schoolwork and getting rest. I decide to turn in for the night and try calling her tomorrow. My mom's not home yet and I have a book report to do, but I'll let it wait until tomorrow.

I get dressed in my pajamas and fall into my bed and snuggle with my Zac Efron pillow. High School Musical may be cheesy, but that boy sure is a cutie!

I close my eyes and slowly start to see images of things. _The Beach, Sam. Miley dressing up as Hannah. Rico. Skateboards. Waves crashing. Lockers. Books. Tears. Empty Rooms. Singing high schools. Guitars. Pianos. Sushi._

Pieces of my world line up together to form a dream.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello, everyone. There's a small idea in here that came from "Instant Star". Kudos if you're a fan and can guess what it is. Thank you, **Jesus.Lives **and **TryDefyingGravity** for beta reading and giving me awesome advice!

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**Chapter Five**

The weekend is over and I feel oddly happy about returning to school. I guess it's because it means I will get to see Miley. School is one thing she can't get out of, no matter how busy Hannah gets. She has that whole deal with her dad that she can only be Hannah if _Miley_ gets good grades.

I grab my book bag and everything else I need for school, and rush downstairs. Everything is quiet and still, and I know that my mom must already be at work or something. I decide to skip out on breakfast and I grab my skateboard and head out the door, making sure I lock it. Outside I see Samantha walking with her cellphone pressed hard against her ear. She seems to be deep in conversation. I skate by her and wave 'hi'. She doesn't take much notice.

Once I'm at school I meet up with Miley by her locker. She looks like a zombie. Her face is so pale and she has dark bags under her eyes. There's no emotion in her face. Usually, she's so sunny and cheery.

"You okay?" I ask.

"No!" she practically shouts. "I haven't slept for two whole days."

"Woah, chill." I say.

"Sorry, Lilly. But I need some sleep!"

"It's okay. No worries."

"Anyway, I know I've been totally bad about Miley/Lilly time. So I was thinking, I have a photoshoot to go to today, and maybe you wanna come?"

"A photoshoot?" I smile. I've only been invited to interviews, concerts, and other events. Never those cool Hannah Montana photoshoots! "Sure, I'd love to go!"

"There's even free clothes involved," Miley grins.

_Free clothes and some best friend time? Could today get any better?_ I feel a buzz of happiness as I grab my books and head off to my next class.

It's amazing what a good attitude can do for your schoolwork. I'm so happy that all my negativity towards learning things I thought to be _impossible_ was gone, and I actually grasp some of what was being taught to me. I take notes happily and even find myself looking forward to a poetry assignment we were given in English. This buzz of happiness not only helps make school tolerable and slightly fun, it helps time pass by quickly.

Before I know it, I am at Miley's house getting ready. I decide to wear Lola's pink wig tonight. I wear a plaid skirt of my own and a pair of Hannah's shoes. They hurt my feet, but they are so totally awesome! Next to do is makeup; I have Miley do mine.

"Well, hello there, Lilly!" Robbie Ray says as Miley and I come downstairs. "Long time, no see."

"Hi, Mr.Stewart!"

Robbie Ray is wearing his typical mustache and cowboy hat disguise. He grabs a few things and his keys. "We'll be meeting the limo driver at five, so we better get a move on!"

When we reach the studio, I am approached by a tall French man. "Vat an exotic beauty," he says, grabbing my fake pink hair. "Oh, you vould be perfect vor dis."

"Uh, excuse me, Hannah Montana here?" Miley interrupts.

"No worry! I have not forgotten about you, Hannah! I was simply saying ziz beauty here would go well with this photo shoots theme."

"Well, what do you say, Lola? Wanna be a model?" Miley asks me.

"_Yes!" _I let out a squeal similar too the one I let out when meeting Jesse McCartney.

I'm soon sent to wardrobe and makeup with Miley. When we come out I was wearing a torn up black dress, which looks a lot like the kind Tinkerbell wears. My eyes were painted black and my lips a crimson red and I had flowers and Celtic knots painted on my arms. Miley is wearing the complete opposite. Although her look is wild, and her hair is poofed up in a frizzy-look, she is dressed in all white.

An hour of different poses, costume changes, and bright lights pass and we're finally done with the photoshoot. No wonder Miley is always so worn out! We get dressed into our own clothes and leave the studio to go home.

It's almost eight p.m. by the time we get back home. I give Hannah back her shoes and take of my pink wig and go home.

I unlock the door, and _surprise, surprise_, Mom is not home. Suddenly all this happiness comes crashing down, and I realize... these things...Hannah gigs, shopping, hanging out with friends...they are just temporary highs. No matter what I do, that loneliness is still inside of me. I want something so bad that is going to last. I want happiness that doesn't fade, but I guess that's just how life is.

I grab my sweater and wrap it around myself to go outside. I need some fresh air and most of all I need to get out of this empty place.

I pace around my front yard and then I hear a voice saying "Silence is the loudest thing in the world, isn't it?"

I turn around and see Samantha. I manage to give her a smile, "Hey!"

"I know what it's like, Lilly." She says and looks over at my empty driveway. "She's pretty busy, huh?"

I nod, "It's not her fault though. She has to work. We kind of need the money." _Especially with how high priced house payments we have to pay_, I think to myself, _the price of living by the beach is pretty big. And it's not like we're getting any help from my dad._

"Want to spend the night at my place?" Samantha asks.

I think about this for a few minutes. _Duh, I'd like to!_ Anything to get out of that forsaken thing called a 'home'. But I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. I guess I could call my mom on her cellphone and leave a message letting her know I'm going to spend the night at the neighbor's house. O_h well, I don't care if I get in trouble._ "Sure," I say.

Samantha's house, although a pretty similar design to my own, was much more warm and inviting. I smelled cookies, roast beef, and roses in the air. I heard noises coming from the kitchen and the TV was playing _I Love Lucy._ _This is what a home should be like_, I thought as I took in the place.

That night Samantha and I played video games, did our homework together, and talked about boys. I wanted to ask Sam's parents to adopt me. I wanted to eat meat, mashed potatoes, and a healthy serving of vegetables every night. I wanted to have cookies and milk while watching old TV shows on TV Land. I wanted my parents together, like Sam's were, and I wanted them to ask me questions about my life, what I like, and how my day was. _Is that too much to ask for?_

Perhaps it was.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the reviews :) The lryics below are "Skin" by Alexz Johnson. I thought they mesh well with the chapter, so I had to squeeze them in. This chapter contains some minor cursing and quite a bit of drama. I really didn't want to sugar-coat Lilly's life. Anyway, enjoy! This chapter was beta read by **_Jesus.Lives _**

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"_So what you had didn't fit among the pretty things. Never fear, never fear. I now know where you've been. Braids have been untied as ribbons fall away. Leave the consequence my tears you'll taste. _

_Falling apart and all that I question, is this a dream or is this my lesson? Oh, he's under my skin. Just give me something to get rid of him. I got a reason now to bury this alive. Another little white lie. I don't believe I'll be alright. I don't believe I'll be okay. I don't believe how you've thrown me away. I do believe you didn't try. I do blame for every lie. **When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine.**" _

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**Chapter Six**

Samantha starts laying out blankets in the living room, making a huge pallet for us to sleep on. _"My room is a mess." _She told me earlier, _"Plus I don't have a TV or anything in there, so you'd probably be more comfortable out here. " _I help her lay out the last blanket, which was an old child's bedspread. It had a _Pokemon_ design printed on it and it looks more like something a boy would use. I gave the blanket a confused look, as if it could tell me why something like it was here. For some reason, I felt it didn't fit. _There should be pink blankets with Disney Princess's_, I thought to myself.

"I was really into the show a few years back." Samantha explains as she notices my expression.

She walks away to go greet the beeping microwave in the kitchen, while I take some pillows she brought out earlier and laid them on our pallet. I feel so incredibly warm right now, but I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. It's reminding me that this is only for one night. Tomorrow I have to go back home and face what most people like to call _"the musi_c", but in my situation it is more like silence.

When Sam comes back, she hands me the big bowl of popcorn and takes a movie out of this big drawer by the TV. I catch a glimpse at the cover. It's a VHS tape and says _A Nightmare On Elm Street._ "It has Johnny Depp in it." Samantha says, "The only reason why I own it. Do you wanna watch?"

I can tell she wants to watch it, so I nod my head to say 'sure'. Honestly, I rather watch something cute and funny like Shrek or maybe a romantic comedy. But, I guess since it has Johnny Depp in it, I shall live.

It took me awhile to remember something Samantha had said to me before inviting me into her house. _She knows what its like._ How? How can she know with this house as full and warm as it is right now? I feel like asking her, but I don't want to ruin the current happy vibe. Questions like that can really spoil things.

"I _love_ Freddy Krueger," Samantha says.

"Youhhh yurv mm?" I say through a mouth of popcorn. Seriously, who the heck loves a burnt up pedophile who stalks you in your dreams?

Samantha just busts up laughing and before I know it I'm laughing with her; choking on my popcorn. I grab my soda and wash the popcorn down before I choke to death. Seriously, _'girl dies from laughter. Chokes on popcorn while watching famous scary movie 'A Nightmare On Elmstreet'_? I really need to learn to chew my food and not stuff my mouth like some boy.

"You okay, there?" Samantha pats my back.

"Yeah, sorry about that," I smile.

I don't know when I fell asleep. I know I fell asleep before the end of the movie. I remember having dreams about those creepy little kids singing _"Freddy's coming for you"_. Note to self: _never watch scary movies before bed. _

I take a look at my surroundings: Samantha is still asleep, I smell bacon and I see a shadow moving around in the kitchen, and I hear talking. I don't know whether I should get up and see what's going on in the kitchen or wait until Samantha wakes up. I feel kind of awkward without her with me in this house. I mean, she is here with me, but she's asleep.

I decide to get up, due to my stomachs growling, and walk into the kitchen. I see her mother and father cooking. "Uhm, hi." I say.

"Oh! I hope we didn't wake you up!" Samantha's mother looks a little worried.

"Oh, no! I woke up all on my own."

"Alright. Well, I'm making some pancakes if you want any."

"Sure! Thanks," I say and then leave the kitchen for a few minutes. When I'm out I see Samantha is now awake, and I go over and sit on the pile of blankets beside her.

"Good morning!" Samantha says, wiping the sleep from her eyes. "Your cell phone went off a few times last night. I tried to wake you up, but you were dead to the world."

I suddenly realize it was probably my mom and maybe just maybe she was worried. I get up and find my cell phone and checked my voicemail.

The first is from Miley:

"_Hey, Lilly. I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd call you. I'm so tired that I'm wide awake if that makes any sense. Well, I guess you're asleep. Lucky. I'll talk to you later, bye."_

Then a screaming voice comes on next,

"_Lilly, this is your mother. **Where the hell are you? **I called Miley's house and she said she didn't know where you were. I'm worried about you. You better have one **damn good** reason for not calling me and letting me know where you are! Call me back when you get this."_

I sigh, realizing I didn't leave my mom message on her phone or a note in the house. I had intentions on calling her and letting her know where I was. I was so happy being outside of my home that I forgot.

Miley's voice came back onto my cell phone as it moved to the next message,

"_Lilly! Oh my God, I am so worried about you! Your mom just called and said you're not home. And obviously you're not here. You better be okay. I don't know what I'd do without you. Now I really can't sleep! Call me, Lilly. I don't know what's going on, but please know that you can trust me no matter what."_

_Did she really care that much? Could I trust her 'no matter what'?_ I push these questions aside for the time being and give Samantha a worried look. "I forgot to tell my mom I was spending the night here. She's really worried. I better go home now. Sorry!"

"Oh, well I hope you don't get in too much trouble."

I rush out of Samantha's house and head next door to my own. I unlock the door, prepare for the worse, and walk in. Before I get two steps in the house, my mother is at me yelling. "Where were you? Why didn't you call me?"

"I'm sorry, mom. I was next door. I got so caught up watching a movie, and then I fell asleep, and I forgot to call you. I'm really sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Lilly. Do you have any idea how worried I was? No," she says before I could answer, "No you don't. You know what? You're not allowed to talk to that girl next door anymore! She must be a bad influence because you've never done anything like this before."

"That's not true! In fact, I think Samantha - that's her name, by the way, Mother - is the only _true_ friend I have!"

"Oh, really? What about Miley? Huh? Why haven't you two been hanging out as much? Did you guys get in a fight?"

All of a sudden it seemed like my mom actually cared about my life, and it made me angry. If she was really a good mother she would know how I feel. She would know that I consider Miley a true and good friend, but there are just some things I can't tell her, because I'm afraid. She would know what Samantha's name is. She would know that Miley is too busy being Hannah Montana to spend time with me. All of this anger reached a boiling point and I begin to explode. "No, I did not get in a _freaking_ fight with Miley!" I shout. I have never yelled at my mother before. I never used the word 'freaking' before either.

"Don't you talk to me that way, missy!"

I wanted to say 'why not?', or threaten her to ground me, but mostly I wanted to run over to Samantha's house and lock myself in her bedroom and never come out until they adopt me and I never have to see my mom again. Before I can say anything the phone rings.

My mother shakes her head at me and goes to answer it. "Hello." she says and then pulls the phone away, "It's your dad." she hands me the phone.

All the tension in my body seems to fade. All the anger is put on pause. Everything drifts away, and I walk slowly over to my mother and take the phone. I can hardly believe my Dad is calling us. "Dad?" I ask, as if to confirm this is for real. That it's not someone else's dad who called the wrong number.

"It's me, honey." He says. I feel sick when he calls me that ever-so-family pet name.

Suddenly, my shock goes away and bitterness takes its place "What _do_ you want?"

"Can't a daddy call his little girl just to say he loves her?"

I feel guilty. I want to take my words back, but they've already escaped my mouth.

"You know," My dad says breaking the awkward phone silence, "I broke up with _her_." He doesn't bother to say her name, which is fine, because I don't want to hear it. _That woman_, or should I say _girl_, is the reason my parents broke up. That little home wrecker tore my family apart and ruined my life. I've never had such hatred for someone I don't even know.

"And I care why?" I don't know why I was being mean and sarcastic.

"I don't know." He says.

I shouldn't be afraid to talk to my own father, I realize, but I am. I feel nervous, like I'm talking to some stranger. Oddly, talking to him makes that empty place in my heart grow bigger, when it should fill it up with happiness. _Part_ of me is happy, sure… a_ very small part._ "So, does that mean I get to see you again?" I ask.

"Honey-pie, nothing is stopping you from seeing me."

"Oh, well I thought your _little_ girlfriend didn't want me around."

"That was a mistake, Lilly."

I didn't want to hear that. Suddenly, I was hit with images of him kissing that..._that...that... _hussy! I try hard to push away the thoughts. "Please, Dad, don't-"

"Okay. I guess you don't want to hear it. I understand." _No you don't. _

"So, when can I see you?" I ask.

"Oh, honey, I'm not sure. I'm really swamped at work and I don't know my schedule for next week." My dad isn't a good liar. I didn't even have to look in his eyes to know that he was making up an excuse. I could hear it. I could _feel_ it in his voice.

"Daddy," I start to cry, "Don't you love me?"

I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I turn around to see it's my mom. She had a soft look in her eyes, and I could feel my heart break. It broke for me and for her.

"Of course I love you!" My dad says.

"No," I say in almost a whisper, "you don't. You don't love me at all."

"Don't you dare say that, Lilly, I'm you're father and I _do_ love you!"

I shake my head, "You're not my father. You're nothing like me. You have no idea who I am... I-I don't have a father!"

My hands are shaking now. I try to hand my mom the phone, but instead I drop it. My mom picks it up and says, "Don't ever call here again." and she hangs up.

She walks over to me, and cradles me into her arms. "You don't have to go to school today, sweetie. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for getting mad at you. I was just worried. And I'm sorry about your father."

'_Father'_ now sounded like a foreign word. It had no meaning in my life anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for making you guys wait for the update. Anyway, here it is. _PS, if you guys have any fandoms you would like to see be part of the faith series, let me know! If I'm familiar with the fandom, I'll consider it :) _Oh, almost forgot. Thanks, Jesus.Lives for beta reading :)

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**Chapter Seven**

After almost a thousand tears, hundreds of tissue, and a sticky pillow, I was all cried out. My eyes are dry, red, and burning. My heart and soul are emptier than they have ever been. I am numb. I don't feel anything anymore and it is starting to scare me. I hate being sad, but it's better than _not_ feeling anything at all.

My mom kept checking on me and apologizing. I told her its okay. I told her I was fine. But who did I think I was fooling? My voice was raspy, my hair matted, and my eyes bloodshot. It was obvious I was not fine! This feeling, or rather lack of, is something I've never known.

My cell phone rings. It's dragging me back into life. I see my room and I realize how pointless these four walls are. They are decorated with pieces of me. All of the posters, pictures, and figurines seem so little, so small… insignificant. There is nothing to them. There is no reason for their existence. I answer the phone, as blandly as I feel. "Hi."

"Lilly! Are you okay? I didn't see you at school today!" Miley says. She sounds like she's been crying too; her voice is just as raspy as mine.

"I'm fine."

"Aren't you going to tell me what happened? Where you were?"

"I spent the night at a friend's. Forgot to call mom. End of story."

"Lilly, are you sure you're okay? I mean, did _anything_ happen to you last night? I mean, were you hurt or something?

"Nothing. Miley, I have to go. Dinner is ready." I lie and hang up the phone before she gets a chance to say goodbye.

The phone rings again. "Miley, please! I'll talk to you tomorrow at school, okay?"

"I'm not Miley." Samantha says. "I was just calling to make sure you didn't get into too much trouble."

"Oh, no, I'm not grounded or anything."

"Well, you sure don't sound happy! Is something wrong?"

"_Why_ does everyone seem to care about me all of a sudden?

"Because, they always cared. You just never realized how much." Samantha says. "I don't know what's wrong right now, but I promise you, your friends and family care about you."

"My dad doesn't." I blurt out, and start regretting it as I did.

"Why do you say that?"

The pain comes back and I start crying again. I tell Samantha about my family and about the phone call I just got from my dad.

"Aw, I'm really sorry! I know what its like, though."

"How could you, Sam? You have the _perfect_ family?"

"There isn't a family in this world that is perfect. And believe it or not, my family has gone through a lot of rough spots to get where we are now. My parents fought a lot. My dad even left for awhile..."

"I.. I'm really sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have-"

"Lilly, don't worry about it.

"Sam, I know we haven't known each other long. I'm sorry for telling you my life's story. But can I ask you for some advice? I'm really confused and -"

"Shoot! Tell me what your problem is, and I'll see if I can help any."

"Well, my best friend Miley...She has no idea about any of this. I mean, she knows my parents are divorced, but she doesn't know how upset I am about it."

"And she doesn't know your dad called today, either, I guess?"

"Nope. I just. I guess. Well, I'm afraid to show her this side of me. I mean, I'm the sporty girl who sometimes says really stupid things. I'm not _this..._ At least not when it's with them."

"Lilly, you can't hide from your friends. If you do, you'll end up losing them."

Samantha's words haunt me throughout the night. '_You can't hide'._ Why, why not? Who says I can't hide? '_You'll end up losing them'._ I can't even begin to imagine life without Miley and Oliver. Miley is like a big bundle of sunshine. She's my BFF. And Oliver, he's my best _boy_ friend. We go surfing together and eat nachos. None of them know my deepest secrets. _And they really should._

I decide I **won't** hide my pain. When I go to school tomorrow morning, I **won't** paint on that fake smile. I don't have it in me anymore. It takes a lot of strength to smile when you're ready to crack.

"Hey, Lilly! What's Crack-a-lackin', yo?" Oliver walks up to me at school. He seems very chipper, so I don't think Miley told him anything. _Not that she knows much that she can tell him._ Or maybe he's pretending to be chipper to make me happy? Does everyone thing I'm off my rocker now?

I start to smile and say something cheerful, but instead I shake my head. "Just stuff, y'know." I say.

"Stuff." Oliver nods, "Word!"

"Drop the gangsta act, Oliver." I roll my eyes.

He looks a little hurt, but then he grabs my hand and gets a serious look on his face. "What ails thee, my dearest Lilly?" he asks me in a British accent and then let's go of my hand.

There it is. A real smile stretches across my face. I raise my eyebrows at him.

"You don't like me as a gangster. You don't like me as a gentlemen. What_ do_ you like me as?"

"Yourself." I say.

"Lilly! There you are!" Miley comes running up.

"Hey." I say.

Before I know it, Miley has her arms wrapped tightly around me and I'm suffocating. "Air" I choke as I struggle to escape her hug.

"Sorry!" Miley stepped back. "How are you?"

I look at Miley, "You know what? I really don't know." My heart pounds and I'm afraid of what they'll say or do next. Will Oliver make a joke? Will Miley tell me to stop being so "emo"? Or will she smother me with extra attention? Will she try to cure my depression with ice cream and a Hannah concert? I really don't need any more temporary happiness. _I want the real thing._

So far, none of that has happened. Oliver is quiet and looking down at his shoes, as if he's confused, afraid, and doesn't know what to say. Miley is looking deep into my eyes as if trying to decipher some secret code hidden in them. "What is it?" she asks.

I take a deep breath. "My dad called."

"Oh, are he and your mom getting back together?"

"No." I say, "But he did break up with his _little_ girlfriend."

"So is that it? You're dad called?" Miley sums it up to something of no consequence. For a second I feel angry and I want to yell at her the way I did at my mom yesterday.

"He doesn't want to see me." I finally manage to squeak out.

"Well, that's no reason to ignore my calls and run away."

Oliver pulls up his head, his jaw hanging down. "_You_ ran away?"

I ignore him and look at Miley. I've never looked at her this way before. When I did, I saw a child; a careless child who didn't know anything. "Miley, you have a father! So, _excuse me,_ if I'm a little sad that mine doesn't love me!" I grab my books, slam my locker shut, and spin around. I take a few steps and turn to look back at Miley whose eyes are wide open in shock. "By the way, I didn't run away!"

_Doesn't she see, I am fatherless?_

Bitterness was flowing through me. I do not say a word to Miley during the rest of school and she didn't say anything to me. Oliver kept giving me weird looks, though.

Even though part of me wants to go up and tell Miley I'm sorry, there is another part of me that just wants to stay mad. Even though I hate feeling this pissed off; there is this secret part inside of me that enjoys it. Like, if I stay angry, no one can break me anymore. No one can mess up my life.

_Nothing can touch me. _


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry I haven't been really great with updating! You can blame Stephenie Meyer for being a great author and sucking me into Twilight and New Moon, whoever decided algebra should be required to get your GED, and my clumsy ways (I cut my finger and bled _a lot_). Anywho, this chapter was beta read by Jesus.Lives!

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**Chapter Eight**

I spent the next few days ignoring Miley, Oliver, _and _Sam. I don't think I could face Miley after what I said to her… Oliver, well, he's usually our messenger when we're mad at each other, so I didn't want to talk to him… Sam, she'd remind me that I _need_ to talk to them. I rather just hide. Who cares if I lose my friends? Maybe that's what I deserve.

I hear the door bell ring and more than likely it's Sam. She's stopped by about three times the past few days to check up on me. I had my mom tell her I was sick. It's not that much of a lie. I may not have some virus, but my heart feels so empty, my stomach hurts, and I keep getting headaches from the stress.

Speaking of my mother, she's taken a vacation from work to stay home with me. She's even given up dating for awhile. I guess it's good. I mean, I feel bad because I know she's putting her life on pause to make sure I'm alright but I also feel grateful that somebody in this world cares about me.

I turn on the radio and a loud, booming voice begins to speak. _What the heck?_ I listen though, since I have nothing else better to do and I'm still deciding which radio station would be best to listen to. "Have you ever felt lonely?" the voice asks through my speakers. I laugh hysterically; it's so ironic. "Have you felt empty, neglected, rejected?" he asked. My laughing grows louder, but I'm not happy at all - crazy maybe, but not happy. "Well, I'm telling you, that you don't have to feel that way. You have a Father who is ready to hold you in His arms and wipe your tears away!"

It hits me what this radio station is. It's a Jesus freak 'honk if you love Jesus' type of station. In the past I always changed the station quickly when I reached it, wherever I was. It seemed embarrassing, stupid, and weird. But now, I have no idea what to make of it. No one is in my room, so if I listen to this...nobody will know. There will be no need to be ashamed for actually listening to Jesus freak's talk. Besides, the word 'father' really caught my attention.

"I promise you, the Lord God is there for you! You just have to open up your heart and let Him in. Why, your Heavenly Father loved you so much that he gave His _only_ Son to save you! John 3:16 says 'For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.'

Imagine right now, someone you love very much."

I think of Miley, despite myself.

"Imagine that person dying for you...so you could live. That's what God sent his Son to do. And let me tell you, this wasn't a quick, painless death! Christ was brutally beaten before he was even near death. He suffered so greatly for _you._"

My eyes fill with tears. Not so much because of what Christ did -whoever he is-, but because of what I saw in my imagination: Miley taking a bullet and dying for me. But, is that really what some higher being did for the world? Why? And what does this have to do with my loneliness?

"If you're lonely," the radio answered me, "and you need strength to go on...your Father is there and he loves you! He is the Father for the fatherless..."

I turn off the radio. I can hear my mom coming up the stairs. Last thing I need her to think is I've become a Jesus freak. The message isn't going to slip away from my mind though... I won't let it, because what if it's true?

"Knock, knock" My mom sings just before she opens my door without permission.

I quickly wipe away my tears and sit up straight. She has bright smile on her face and the cordless phone in her hand. "You have to face them sometime, Lilly," she says, "I can't lie for you anymore." she throws the phone to me, but instead of catching it I let it land on the bed.

"Lilly!" I hear a muffled shout come from the phone, "If you don't answer, I'm going to come to your house and stand outside all day and night until you talk to me!"

I'm surprised to hear the anger in her voice. I pick up the phone, "Miley?"

"Duh! We _need_ to talk. And don't interrupt me! Now, Lilly, I'm sorry I acted like it was no big deal. That was very wrong of me! I was being a bad friend and I didn't even realize it. However, what you said to me hurt. It hurt a lot! I forgive you." I didn't even say sorry yet. "Please, Lilly, talk to me. I've been so scared."

The waterworks came and I sobbed into the phone. "I'm scared too. I was mad and I wanted to be mad, because I didn't want to get to get hurt anymore. I was afraid to talk to you before and then I just was so emotional about everything. Thanks for forgiving me." The words came out really fast and broken, but I think Miley understood.

"It's okay. I'm really sorry your father is being the way he is. It makes me angry." Miley says her voice soft and no longer angry.

_Father?_ A question enters my mind and I know I need to ask Miley about it. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone else. "Miley, can I ask you a question...about God?"

"Uhm," I must've caught her off guard. "Well...I guess. I mean, if it's about why the world is filled with so much pain like this, I'm probably not the best person..."

That question hadn't even occurred to me yet. "No. I was just...well; someone said that He's a father?"

"That's right," Miley's voice sounded pleased and confused at the same time.

"Can He be mine?" I mumble.

"Of course!" she says, "Wait! I got a great idea! Youth group is tomorrow night - I'm sure my Dad would be glad to pick you up. Do you want to come?"

"Really? Wait - do I have to sing?"

"No, you don't _have_ to. But you can. It's really fun, I promise!"

"Okay I'll come."

I hadn't the smallest idea about Christianity. I knew a few things, of course. I hope they didn't give you pop quizzes about the Bible at youth groups, because I'd be sure to fail. I really had my doubts that this was going to be as _'fun'_ as Miley called it. I mean, first of all, I'd be around a bunch of strange kids I didn't know listening to them sing songs that make no sense to me. And who knows what else? But, there's this nagging feeling in my heart that's telling me I need to know more. Maybe this whole God thing is more serious than I think it is. Maybe it's the answer to my pain… my emptiness after all.


	9. Chapter 9

Not much to say except thankyou Jesus.Lives for beta reading. Oh and despite some very subtle flirtation in this chapter - there will be no official pairings.

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**Chapter Nine**

Miley assured me that I didn't have to wear a dress to church and that everything was pretty casual at youth group. I wanted to look good, though. I didn't want to break some unknown dress code rules, so I picked my most "Miley" outfit I could out: a pair of faded blue jeans and a white shirt with Hello Kitty screened on it. The clothes are now covering my body, as I stand in front of the mirror. I think I look okay. Gosh, why am I so nervous?

I inhale deeply and then exhale; hoping all my nerves will follow out with my breath. I put on some chap stick, foundation to cover up my latest red monster, and some jasmine perfume. I sit the perfume bottle next to my bottle of O Wow perfume. (That's one secret Miley _doesn't _have to know about.)

I think I'm complete and ready to go now. I asked my mom if it was okay to go to church with Miley, despite how embarrassed I was. She didn't seem to care about where I was going, though. She was just happy I was talking to my friends again. I'm supposed to be at Miley's house by five and then her dad is going to drive us to the church. It's four-thirty now, so I better head out.

I grab my sweater and slip it over my arms and walk outside. I see Sam lying on her front porch's cement pavement with a book hovering over her face. "Hi, Sam" I wave at her.

She lowers her book and pushes her body up, "Hey, where you going?"

My heart warns me not to answer this question by pounded hard against my chest. "_Miley_ wants me to go to her church tonight." I say. That's not a total lie, is it?

"Oh," Sam beams, "that's good! I think you'll have fun!"

"What's up with everyone thinking church is so fun?" I say under my breath. I try to return the smile, "Well, I better get going! I'll see you tomorrow."

When I arrive at Miley's house, I open the door without even knocking. The sun is setting and the air is getting a chill to it. I smell the beach and I can hear the waves crashing in the distance. I walk inside, leaving the beautiful scenery outside. Inside, Miley is wrestling Jackson for the remote controller and Robbie was walking around looking for something. I assume his keys.

"Hey guys!" I say, announcing my presence

Miley gives up her fight with Jackson and turns her face towards me. "Hey. We're going to leave in a few minutes; Dad lost his keys again..."

"Oh, okay." I say and walk over and sit in between Jackson and Miley.

"Found them!" Robbie shouts in a proud voice, waving the keys in the air.

We all get up off the sofa, including Jackson, and follow Robbie outside to his car. "You're coming too?" I ask Jackson, surprised.

"Eh, I figure, why not. I don't have a date tonight. Besides, I haven't seen the boys from church in awhile."

"Oh." I mumble and get into the car. Again, I sit between Miley and Jackson; this prevents the fights from getting too violent.

I watch the lights and cars pass us by for thirty minutes, until finally, the car pulls into a large parking lot. There are so many cars here, and people of all ages filing out of them and into the big building just ahead. "I thought this was just for young people?" I whisper over to Miley.

"Well, they have a thing for the adults' too." she says and glances over at her father. "But us teenagers, we're separated from the rest."

"By age too!" Jackson interrupts loudly; a smile on his face. "I'll be in a different group from you guys."

It was actually comforting knowing that Jackson wasn't going to be with us through this whole ordeal. Just me, Miley, and a bunch of strangers.

I follow the Stewarts into the foreign building that was filled with singing. I see a pews and a stage, which has two people standing on it. One was a man, about eighteen years old, with an acoustic guitar strapped around him. He has black hair, blue eyes, and dark skin. The other was a girl, and in contrast to the male beside her, she looks like a pale vampire. She's the one singing.

I feel someone bump into me and I turn around to apologize, in case it was my fault. My jaw must be touching the floor. _"Ashley?"_ I gasp.

Miley jabs her elbow into my rib, but I still can't pull my eyes away from this shocking sight. Ashley rolls her eyes at me and brushes past me. I turn over to Miley, "You didn't tell me -"

"She doesn't always come." Miley says indifferently.

Miley and I make our way to where Robbie and Jackson are sitting. The singing stops and an older man walks up onto the stage with a microphone in his hand. He begins greeting everyone and says something about prayer. Everyone stands up and Miley grabs my right hand, and Jackson grabs my left. I look and see people are bowing and closing their eyes, so I do the same. After a few seconds the prayer is over - which I wasn't really listening to - everyone sits down. Miley lets go of my hand, but Jackson still has a firm grip on the other one. I turn around and whisper into his ear, "I think you're supposed to let go now."

He smirks at me and pulls his hand away. Now, _that_ was weird. I place my hand back on my lap where the other one was patiently waiting. A few more things are said and then I hear something about groups, numbers, names, and following a person. I'm so happy I came here with Miley, 'cause I didn't understand a thing a heard.

Miley led me upstairs and I watch Jackson go down a hall in the first floor. We continue going up the steps and then enter the first door on the right. There are already a few people sitting around. Some have Bible's in their hands. Maybe I should have brought a Bible? I think we have one _somewhere_ in my house. Miley didn't have one with her, though.

"Do we need one of those?" I ask looking at the Bible.

"Not really. I usually bring mine, but I forgot." Miley smiles and takes a I seat. I sit next to her.

A few minutes later and two older kids walk in. One of them was the boy on stage with the guitar. "Okay, everyone," he smiles and all faces turn toward him. "How has everyone been?"

I hear a lot of good's and fine's. Then he looks straight at me. "I see we have a new face here." he walks over and I feel my cheeks burn from embarrassment. "What's your name?" he stretches his hand to mine. I take it and shake it. Whose brilliant idea was it to shake hands with strangers as a way to greet people? I roll my eyes and answer his question. "Lilly."

"Well, hello Lilly." He pulls his hand away, "My name is David, and I'm the youth pastor here." He went around introducing everyone to me. There are maybe ten other kids here apart from Miley, myself, and Ashley.

I was afraid he was going to ask me questions or something, but instead he grabbed a bible and started reading from it. It's the same thing I heard on the radio today. I'm sure the Bible has more to offer than that, but maybe this whole Jesus thing is important.

I listen intently as David talks about sin. "When I was your age, I did a lot of bad things." He said, "Drugs, cutting class, drinking, partying. You name it, I did it. When it finally hit me that all those things I was doing wouldn't buy me happiness, and only made things worse, I started looking to God again. I thought it was too late, though. How could God forgive me for all those things I did?"

I thought of Miley and how quickly she forgave me for ignoring her.

"None of us are worthy of God's forgiveness, but he does forgive us. He sent His only Son to die for our sins."

David began explaining what I figure to be the basis of Christian beliefs. He talked about Jesus and what he did other than dying, he talked about God's grace, and about his own life some more. Then he talked about being 'saved'. He said Jesus was waiting for me to open the door to my heart. Even though I don't know Jesus all too well, I want to let him in. I want to be saved, if possible.

David asks us to close our eyes and I think we're going to pray. "Keep your eyes closed, and raise your hand if you want to be saved." he said.

I put my hand in the air; afraid that people might be peeking. A few seconds pass and then David speaks again, "I'd like you to repeat after me, but _only_ if you want to. Dear Heavenly Father," he says and everyone in the room -_well at least I think everyone_- repeats him. "I acknowledge I'm a sinner and I need you. Lord, I believe Jesus was your Son and that he died for our sins. I accept him into my heart as my savior." Again, everyone repeats David.

After a few more lines the prayer is over and we're told to open our eyes. For a moment I expected to feel someone moving inside my heart, but then I realized how foolish that was. I _did_ feel happy; like I do when I'm shopping or going to the beach. I really hope that this happiness lasts...

David then asks us questions about life, reads more scriptures, we sing a song. I don't sing, of course, since I hate singing and I don't know the lyrics. I clap my hands to the beat though. Then, he asks if anyone has any prayer request. Ashley raises her hand.

"My mom's in the hospital," she says in a small voice. "I...I was..." her voice cracks and tears come flowing out of her eyes. David walks over to her and grabs her hand and beings praying for the well being of Ashley's mother. Everyone joins in, but me. I'm in utter shock. I've never seen Ashley cry. I didn't even know she had a soul or any human emotions.

The prayer is over and Ashley wipes away her tears and lets go of David's hand. And a few minutes later, it's all over and we're being led outside the church. Before I leave, David approaches me, "I know you're pretty new to all this." He says, "If you have any questions, feel free to ask."

I nod and thank him. I have a million questions, but I don't feel like asking right now. Maybe next time, as I think I'll want to come here again.

When we get home, I call my mom and tell I'm going to spend the night at Miley's house. Miley is in the shower right now and I'm sitting of the sofa with Jackson. I hang up the phone.

"You know," he said, "Miley was pretty torn up when you wouldn't speak to her."

I'm confused. Jackson never talks about _serious_ things. "I know. I'm sorry."

"She can be a little out of touch about things. Sometimes, Miley is just so happy it's hard for her to realize that not everyone else is like that."

A wave of understanding crashed down on me, "Like you?"

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I love Miles. But it's very hard living in her shadow. She's so happy and cheerful, though, she hardly ever sees how it affects me."

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm not fishing around for pity, Lilly. I guess what I'm saying is...that if you ever need someone to talk to and Miley has a hard time understanding...Well, I'm here. This world has a dark side that Miley can't see. But I see it." He gave me a crooked smile, "I know you probably won't ever want to talk to _me_. But if you do -"

"Thanks," I cut him off, "That actually is...nice...of you, Jackson. I really appreciate it." And I do. He'll never know how much I appreciate those words.


	10. Chapter 10

Terribly sorry for the late update! My excuse: mom was on vacation and I (still) have an icky blood blister on my finger :( Thank you Jesus.Lives for beta reading :)

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**Chapter Ten**

It's been awhile since I've felt this happy for this long. It's been two weeks since I went to church with Miley for the first time, and ever since I've been good… if I wasn't happy some days, I was at least content. No more crazy depressions and crying myself to sleep at night. I have even started talking to God on a regular basis. He may not talk back, but at least He listens, which is more than I can say about some people.

Right now I'm the beach with Miley and Oliver. I invited Sam, but she said she had to go take a course at college. It was a little disappointing, because I really would like for Miley and Sam to become friends too. Guess you can't always get what you want.

Miley is teasing Oliver right now. I think something about his hair, but I'm not really listening. I'm thinking of how quickly things have changed for me. I mean, it wasn't _that_ long ago that my parents were still married and everything was _kind of _"happy". It was once the fights started getting real bad in their marriage that things slowly started getting depressing. And then, they divorced and I pretty much never saw my dad after he moved out. I sunk into a hole that I escaped from sometimes. Now, I'm completely out of the hole. There were so many emotions and so much changing in such a short time. And although I recognize that all this happened in a short time, I feel old. Like years have passed by and I'm starting a whole new life.

"Lilly, am I right?" I hear Miley finally being woken out of my thoughts.

"Excuse me?"

"See, she's on my side." Oliver smiles at me.

"No, she's not."

"Yes, she is!"

"I don't even know what you're talking about!" I interrupt their fight.

"Doesn't he have big eyelashes for guy?" Miley asks.

"Does it matter?" I say, and then look at Oliver eyes. It's true, right now his eyelashes do look big, but I think it's because he was in the water and they're wet.

"Ah-hah! She is on my side" Oliver declares.

"I'm not on anybody's side." I say and get up.

"Where are you going?" Miley asks.

"Over to Rico's. I'm starved."

As we head over to Rico's, Miley whispers to me, "I really should be nicer to him. I kind of feel guilty."

"Guilty?" I ask, "It's _just_ Oliver. We always pick on him."

"It's not really nice though." Miley's sudden concern confuses me, but my stomach is growling too much for me to care.

When I get home, everything is empty and dark. I see a note from my mom:

_Lilly,_

_Chad called me back! Can you believe it? We have a date tonight. _

_I wont be home until late, so don't stay up. I have lasagna in the fridge. _

_Love,_

_Mom._

I want to smile at the note and feel happy for my mom, but I fear things will start going back to the way they were: _empty_. I take the note and throw it in the trash. I make my way to the fridge and pull out the lasagna. I can smell the sauce, cheese, and meat. My stomach growls again. I scoop out a rather large serving and put it on a plate and into the microwave. Two minutes will do, I think.

As the plate spins around, I feel that familiar sadness sneaking up on me. I feel scared too, because I don't want to feel sad again. I'm sick of the pain. The phone rings and I rush to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me." Miley says.

"Oh, hey!"

"I was just calling because Hannah got invited to the movie premiere for that new romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore."

"Really? I can come?"

"Of course, silly! It's next week."

"That's so awesome!"

"It is. Lola and Hannah will have to go shopping in LA before the premiere."

"Have I ever told you how much I love Hannah?"

"Funny. So, how are you?"

"Okay, I guess. Mom's not home." I sigh.

"Where is she? At work?

"No. A date."

"You don't sound too thrilled."

"I don't know. I guess when this house is empty, I feel emptyand I'm sad and I don't want to be. Miley, I really don't want to be depressed again."

"I don't mean to go all 'Christian' on you, and I will talk to you and give you different advice too, but when I feel sad like that." _Miley feels like that?_ "I talk to God."

The microwave goes off. "Thank you for the advice, Miley. I gotta go get my dinner now. Talk to you tomorrow!"

I take my lasagna to my room and sit it on my bed. I grab my new Bible I bought a few days ago. It's a different translation that Mileys, but it's much easier for me to read and understand. I read a few random verses and took a few bites of lasagna. Then I feel something different – there's a lump developed in my throat from my sadness and I decide I should take Miley's advice.

"God," I whisper, "I'm so sad." before I continue I feel tears running down my eyes and this warm feeling flow through me. "I don't want to be...but I'm just...Well, I don't really know. I get lonely sometimes."

I cry and pray for a whole hour until finally, it seems the pain starts to fade. And something occurs to me...that even though this house is empty and sometimes it seems like my life is, that doesn't mean I have to be empty. I can let God continue to fill that hole of mine and find a way to bring light into my life. I don't have to always be sad. I know that doesn't mean I won't ever get sad again. But it does mean I'll have a better way to cope with these emotions.

"Thank you God" I whisper one last time and dry my eyes off before my mom gets home from her date.


	11. Chapter 11

Well, this is pretty much the last "chapter". I will be posting the epilogue tomorrow, and then as soon as possible, the prologe to this stories sequel: _City of Angels: Miley's Story_ (Second in the faith series.) Also, can anyone please tell me who old Miley and Lilly are now on the show? Are they 15 or 16? Also, I don't know if the show has ever made it clear, but what is the name of the studio Hannah Montana -in the show, not Miley Cyrust- records at? Anywhos, thank you, Jesus.Lives for bet reading :) You absolutely rock.

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"_Be patient with my doubt. I'm just tryin' to figure out Your will" - Nichole Nordman_

**Chapter Eleven**

Everything is so amazing. I don't know if I have ever enjoyed life this much! I guess when I was young and carefree, I did. Of course, the second you hit a certain age, you learn you can't always be so careless.

But there's something else you need to learn to -- and it's not something a lot of people tell you.

What is it?

Well, most of us carry our worries, responsibilities, pain, and fears on our shoulder. We _don't_ have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders! There's somebody else who is much stronger that us; He can carry the load.

I'm not saying we should expect things to go away or work it out for itself. I still need to work my butt off so I can get _at least_ a B on my English essay, and I still need to cope with my father's absence.

What I'm saying is, I guess, that God can help us carry the weight of the pain and worries. Life's much too short to spend weighed down, broken, and damaged. I want to be as happy as possible. So if I mess up and if I have a bad day... why get all broken up about it? Actually, that's a lot like Hannah's song: '_Nobody's Perfect'_. I wish I would have paid attention to those lyrics sooner… and to God's existence.

I'm still new to this whole Christian thing and at times I'm skeptical. I mean, how can one ark hold so many animals? Why did God turn that woman into a pillar for looking back? Is it really that bad to look back at things you once knew? Why did Moses have to die without entering the Promised Land? And why did King David's child have to die? I'm still trying to understand His will and overcome doubts that attack me sometimes. All I know is that some of these things that seem impossible and cruel must not be so.

The impossible, when I feel like it is so, I just have to look out at the beach. I see the waves crashing against the perfect sand. We take things as "simple" as nature for granted. We don't see how very complex they are. How could this all be a chance? And if some higher being can create this world, surely He can do whatever else He wants.

As for the things that seem cruel, well, how could someone who sent His only Son to die for our sins be so cruel? He can't be. Not cruel, only just.

So I guess, these things I don't understand...I'm going to have to either trust God that He knows what He's doing or figure it out. Miley says she'll lend me some commentaries and study books she has for the Old Testament. Maybe those will help.

I lay my Bible down, when I hear a knock against my door. "Come in," I say. Of course, it is my mother. I see her blonde hair peaking in and her sparkling eyes falling curiously over my Bible.

"I'm happy to see you're really interested in this." She says. But there's something else in her words. Something I can't exactly decipher.

"Me too."

"Miley seems to be talking more openly to you about her religion." My mother says this more to herself than me.

"She's invited you to go to church with us." I remind her.

"Lilly, do you really think it would matter?"

A chill shoots through my spine and my heart starts aching. "What do you mean?"

"When I was your age...well no, I was older. I was seventeen. I made a terrible mistake. I slept with my boyfriend at the time."

"Mom," I search for the words. "God will forgive you --"

"That's not all, Lilly. Oh, how I wish it was all!"

My mother starts crying and it makes me so sad. I can't even describe the pain I feel right now, because it's not my own. "What else?" I squeak.

"I got pregnant."

"You mean," I almost feel a little excited, "I have a sister?"

She looks at me with sad eyes. "You would, but I got an abortion. Lilly, I killed a baby! I didn't have to. I was selfish."

"Why? Would Grandma and Grandpa have been mad?"

"Yes, but that wasn't the only reason why. I didn't want to lose my boyfriend you see."

"Mom..." I feel lost in a pool full of words that need to be said. "The youth pastor at the church I've been going to says we all sin. We just need to accept Christ and repent from our sins and --"

"I know." she cut me off.

"Well, then. What if it were me? What if I got pregnant and had an abortion?"

"Lilly, you would never do that."

"Just pretend I did. Would you still think it is useless for me to go to church, learn about God, and get saved? Do you think God would forsake me?"

"No."

"Then why are you being so hard on yourself? Mom," I start choking. I fight so hard to keep the burning water in my eyes. "If this is all for real...and I make it pass this life, I want you there too! Please, just give it another try. Come to church with us this Sunday."

The phone rings. "I'll get that." My mom says and leans over and grabs the green phone in my room. She answers it and a startle look comes across her face.

"Who is it?" I mouth.

"I told you not to call here anymore!" She shouts at the phone. "No! I don't care! Fine, you can talk to her, but I won't guarantee she'll talk to you." My mom throws the phone at me.

"Hello?" I say.

"Lilly, it's your dad."

"What do you want?" I ask callously.

"I want to apologize."

"It's too late." I hang up the phone.

It's quiet for a long time and I start tracing out the designs on my bed's comforter. "Do you pray for him?" My mom whispers.

"No." I don't move my eyes to look up at her.

"I do." She whispers. "Every night. I pray that he'll change back to who he was when I first met him. I still love that part of him; that version of who he was."

"How can you still love him?" I ask disgusted.

"The same way God can still love a terrible person like me." My mom gives me a sad smile when I meet her eyes. "I'll go to church with you on one condition, Lilly."

"If you're going to ask me to pray for --"

"I can't tell you what or who to pray for. That's personal. But maybe, _we_ should give your Dad another chance..."

"You're not considering getting back together?"

She laughs now. "Heavens, no! I just mean, if he wants to be your father again...you should give him one more chance. See if he really has changed."

"And what if he hasn't?"

"Then we can walk away from the mess he's made without a guilty conscious."

I hug her and consider this. Would it really be too bad to give him a second chance? I feel God's will coming through stronger than my own and I know what it is I must do.


	12. Chapter 12

Okay. this is officially the final chapter. But don't fear, I'm posting the Prologe to "City Of Angels: Miley's Story" in just a few minutes. So go check it out :) Thank you, Jesus.Lives, for beta reading!

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**Epilogue**

It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what I was missing; a father's love.

My mom and I did give my dad another chance. It took every prayer and ounce of strength in me to remain civil during the first dinner he took me to. Sadly, after two months he decided to forget about me and mom again. He met some other young girl, got engaged, and moved to New Mexico. He doesn't call her anymore, but he did send me a birthday card with a one hundred dollar check. I ripped the check and the card up.

Mom says being a Christian is a balancing act. You have to find the line between forgiveness and letting people walk all over you. She says if you forgive and forget and let people trample all over you, you'll end up depressed. And if you don't forgive and hold grudges, you'll drown yourself in guilt with what if questions. You'll somehow manage to blame yourself for every mistake that person made. I don't want either of these. So I gave my dad that last chance. And maybe one day if I have reason to believe he turned his life around, I'll give him another. But for now, I'm happier with him gone. I have a much more caring _Father_ looking after me these days.

However, I do pray for my dad. I never saw the reason behind it before, but after watching my mom and listening to her stories, I see.

Sam is going to college full-time now, so I don't get to see much of her. We still keep in touch though and I consider her one of my closest friends. When I can't go to Miley, I will always have Sam. And when I can't go to either of them, I can always go to God.

I haven't forgotten Jackson's promise either. However, I don't feel comfortable going to him about things. The day my Dad called, I considered talking to him. My heart practically begged my mind to. Heck, I even went over to Miley's house, but when I saw Jackson playing games with his belly button...I thought, _have you completely lost your mind, Lilly? _So, needless to say, Jackson hasn't been a shoulder to cry on.

Miley is done touring and doing concerts for awhile now, but she has other things taking up her time: parties. I've given up on going to every single one. School is getting harder and so is everything else. I don't have time to chase Orlando Bloom or beg Justin Timberlake for a hug. It's hard to see how Miley has the time, but I guess school is easier for her than it is for me.

Actually, I'm really worried about Miley. She isn't going to church as much and she always seems so distracted. I hope she's okay.

Besides Miley, everything is great. I found my something more.


End file.
